5/1/09
almost 4:20 am

Oh my god.
So many memories. Unbelievable in scope and complexity!
Homie, I've had to pull into the old cemetary to have a good cry, man. My eyes brim up, obscuring my vision and making driving impossible.
Goddamn.
Some crazy times, man, from high-school friendly fencing up into an indellible development freshman year and stoop-smoking roommate-meeting before we barely knew each other.
I can't even fathom that I just said goodbye for possibly the last time ever. I hope not, but if there's one thing we've taught and lived by, it's that anything's possible.
Even now, my sorrow overwhelms me. You have been there for me through everything; through triumphs and tribulations, through ups and downs, summits and nadirs, girlfriends and lovers, arrests and graduations, fifths and forties and eighths and pints and quarts and grams and gallons and pussy and passion and sun and sorry and truth and lies and...and...
...everything.
I mean, for Christ's sake, we have traded personalities!
And women.
And bottles.
And clothes.
And loves, hates, cares, victories, defeats.
Man, I cannot believe it might be two years or more until I see feel hear smell sense you again.
Who knows what the future might bring?
We, who know that there is only present and everything else is made up and imagined.
We, who know that nothing is as important, as meaningful, as everything!
We, who have traded souls.
We who have endured both heaven and hell together.
We who have cried together, laughed together, slept together, ate together, fought together--LIVED together.
We.
Remarkable we.
Incomparable we.
Closer that either of us would ever admit.
Shed tears together.
As I am now...alone.
As I imagine you are as well.
Through everything; bros. Homies. Friends. Counterweights. Harmonizing jazz-riffing charm-smiling lady-killing pot-smoking song-singing life-living self-loving world-saving book-reading bar-drinking cavorting goddamn scoundrels!
And then, of course, there's all the crazy shit between all the lines.
My god, chum, we've been inside of the same woman!
Who could ask for more?
I could, dude. I could ask for a hundred--a thousand--more college-chillin' days like the ones we have loved and loathed, prized and passed, imagined and ignored, anticipated and forgotten.
Inseperable to the end.
I can't even remember not being best friends with you. What a weird concept.
Here I am with Dispatch playing in the background many minutes after we reminisced about that miraculous summer long ago when they asked if you'd mind going out on trip with your homeboy.
Oh my god.
They didn't even know.
Dude, it's getting late, and I haven't even begun to describe what you have been for me.
Crying again.
Nothing I could ever put on paper can come close to capturing this string of moments. This crazy trip.
I'm dying, dogg. I have no idea how to lock this shit in my memory. My perception changes so much, how can I keep you close?
Goddamn but I'm getting sentimental.
I hate long goodbyes. I don't do well with them. I need to just get gone, man, disappear. Vanish into the mists for a while.
We both know what I mean.
Listen, there's a whole lot more I'd like to say, but I have to get to sleep before my journey tomorrow.
Peace be the way.
Not all who wander are lost.

Yours in brotherly love,

Paul